‘I am King of the Romans, and am above grammar’

Sigismund, Holy Roman Emperor 1433–1437

‘Who does he think he is?’ I hear you snort. So along with this medieval heavyweight – whether he’s a ‘great mind’ I’ve no idea – let’s add professional footballers to this list of those who don’t fancy using correct grammatical forms. Though allow me to widen the issue of transcending grammar to misspeaking and usage. Being above saying things properly can give us some wonderful images.

My personal favourite comes from footballer Rio Ferdinand talking about the captaincy of Manchester United on the radio. His teammate Gary Neville had been captain but had been afflicted by so many injuries replacements were regulalry needed. But luckily for Manchester United according to Rio ‘Giggsy’s come in and taken up the mantelpiece.’ What a fantastic image. Imagine poor Ryan Giggs, in his prime a flying left winger, having the captaincy bestowed upon him only to be forced to lug around the bit you commonly find above a fire place.

Perhaps we should all rise above grammar and usage and give a bit more happiness to the world. If we dangled our participles a bit more we could have gems such as ‘After years of being lost under a pile of dust, Walter P. Stanley … found all the old records of the Bangor Lions Club’ and ‘The mice were disturbed while clearing out the shed’.

Let’s be clear that being clear with our meaning is overrated and let football commentators come out with beauties like ‘He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it – you can see it all over their faces.’ I’m sure the milkman appreciated this note: ‘Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.’

Just a little recognition of the joy that misspeaking and ‘non-grammar’ can give us.